Holiday Cheer Hijacker

Internets, it’s a BFN. I know, shock and awe… blah blah blah How can I be filled with The Christmas Cheer and not full of The Rage? The Hysteria? How can I not be telling people off in the grocery store in fits of crazy?

How can I be decking the halls with boughs of freaking holly when my ovaries have staged a walk out?

I’ll tell you friends…

It’s called, How to Turn a Sweet Christmas Miracle, into, Selfish Scheme to Give Kansas the Warm and Fuzzies. Because let me tell you… I am not about the warm and I am not about the fuzzy.

We’ve “adopted” a child from our local foster program to buy Christmas gifts for. His name is Sean and he’s 3 years old. When I got Sean’s Christmas list all it had on it was Lego’s. Cue the tears, and not the It’s A Wonderful Life, kind. Picture Marley & Me type hysteria.

Now, before you go soft on me, remember the scheme.

This is not about a child who might otherwise give up on his belief of Santa. Or learn about the cruelty of the world at much too young of an age. It is also not about his exhilaration on Christmas morning waking up to every type of Lego product available in the US. It’s not about the smile on his face, or the hope in his heart.

Okay? So get those dirty images out of your head. This is about me. And contrary to popular opinion, being hopped up on hormones does not give me the warm or the fuzzy. Unless you mean The Warm in a hot flash kind of way, and The Fuzzy in a blistering migraine kind of way. I just want to be clear.

In case you’re still following in a Christmas Shoes kind of way let me reiterate the selfish nature of this mission.

By doing this, seemingly selfless act, I am filling myself with the warm and the fuzzy (the non hormone flavor), thus easing the blow of the most recent flurry of bad news.

So, the next time you get 5 inches of snow in the beginning of December (or a BFN for the gazillionth time in a row, but who’s counting) and you feel like rapid firing 3 dozen sugar cookies up Kris Kringle’s jolly red ass, do something selfish, get some warm and get some fuzzy.