Thursday, July 29, 2010

It's cool to pee your pants

2 posts in 1 day. What the hell!? I have so much to fill all my internet bff's on that I just can't cram it all into 1 post. Because I suck at blogging. As well as life. So there you have it.

My baby shower was last weekend. Squee! I have to admit, I was adamant about not having one (for so many twisted reasons related to IF and loss). But so many of our family and friends wanted to have one that I finally decided it would be okay. As long as it was small. And not filled with the crazy.

Turns out I was a hot mess of emotions at the turnout of people that came. People that care about us, know how much we've struggled, and are genuinely happy to see us finally turn the page. Ah, I'm getting all choked up all over again!

It was great, it was fun, there was cake. What else can I say? So so so many baby clothes that I actually wake in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack over how many clothes of each size we'll need, and if I should exchange any. Ridiculous. Yes, I know this. Pictures to follow, as soon as I can get my hands on some.

The day before the baby shower was another story all together. I had a half day at work and went home to relax for the rest of the day. Anyways, I was getting my relax on, when there was a gush of fluid. My husband was at the lake for the weekend (hour and a half away). So I call Dr. POC, and got over to her office in a mad dash. 3 cervical tests later (on an already irritable cervix, as she calls it), and it was officially confirmed that yes, I did indeed pee my pants. Lovely.

Fortunately, I did not pee my pants during a fun photo session my friend Joanne, at Minor Moments Photography, did a couple of weeks ago.

Pics from 31 weeks:

Infertiles here, infertiles there, infertiles everywhere

You know the old term, misery loves company. It's terrible, but I get so excited when I meet another infertile.

It's happened twice at work in the last few weeks. The first was with a coworker I used to work with in another department 5 years ago. She saw that I was KU and mentioned that she had just found out that she was KU as well. I don't know how it came up but she said that they'd been trying for a few years and had to use Clomid to get their BFP. I was all like, Shut the front door! We shared war stories about losses, etc. I left our conversation feeling like I wasn't alone, I'd met another one in the Sisterhood. Warm and fuzzy, bunnies and puppies.

The second exchange was most unexpected. It was with an external partner of my company that I work with on a regular basis. He's called a couple times in the last few months to see how things are going with the bug. In this conversation he was telling me about his 3 year old daughter, his wife's pregnancy, labor, delivery, etc. I made the critical error of asking if they were going to have more children.

His response: It's in God's hands. My response: OH MY GOD! You're an INFERTILE?!
I could tell he clearly wasn't comfortable talking about the specifics of their situation, but suffice it to say that a kinship was formed.

Some win the battle sooner than others. But we've all cried the same tears and felt the same pain.

It's funny, misery does love company. It's comforting know that brothers and sisters have walked this path before us, and there will be many more after us.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Long time no see

I realize that the amount of my suckage has reached infinite levels. I could say something like: I've been in meetings with the executives at NASA for weeks now and just haven't had a spare second to write a measly post.


Barack called and invited me to spend a few weeks at Camp David with him and the fam. And, well, it's been so long since we've caught up, I couldn't resist.

But the truth is that anything that requires me to put down my spoon of Edy's Slow Churned Double Fudge Brownie for one second is clearly outside of my realm of consideration.

This human growing experiment has it's moments. And by "moments" I mean, back pain, foot pain, swelling, pure sexiness, really. And I don't want to come across all woe is me on you, because I fully appreciate where I am. But, I will say, that I didn't come into this with any expectations, because I never expected to get knocked up. Then when I did, I didn't expect to STAY knocked up. Especially for this long.

Psychoanalysis anyone?

Anyways, here I am.

Picking up from the last post, I had a visit with Dr. POC and she did an FFN (fetal fibronectin), to tell if the spotting might be a sign of pre term labor. It came back negative, and all has been well since then. *knock on wood* *wish on star* *praise to ali babba*

In other news, my husband insists that I am a nesting fool. I, however, contend that I am simply making space for another human being that will be taking up residence in our abode relatively soon, as this babymaker motel for 2 is quickly running out of vacancy.

Simply put, our house is a disaster and we aren't even close to being prepared for this bug's arrival. In any way. Shape or form.

We have not selected a daycare. And we have not made a final decision on what my work situation will look like (PT vs. FT vs. living on the streets).

Also, we have not made any progress on selecting a name. I know, shock and awe.

But we have been enjoying every spare second at our cottage on a lake about an hour from here (because it's been 90 mother flipping degrees up here for the last 2 weeks!!) and blindly hoping that the rest will fall into place. It will, won't it?

AND as a side note (which deserves a post of it's own) I FINALLY put away my fertility meds, and the cadillac. I waited until 31 weeks because I was afraid of being jinxed? Yes. *knock on wood* *wish on star* *praise to ali babba*

Next appointment with Dr. POC is on Friday. I'm desperately trying to think of a good story to get her to put me out of work.

How about, my work gives me seizures? I pass out foaming at the mouth unless working on a situation directly related to babies, or baby making?

I need ideas. I know you've got them.