Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Bud Light Presents: Mr. Baking Aisle Trash Talker

Lately my blog material has been downright non existent. I’ve been thinking that I’ve been stuck in a funk and unable to see the world through my hilarious rose colored glasses. Things that would normally strike me as funny and blog worthy have come and gone without so much as a flinch.

I don’t know if it has to do with the 6 month anniversary of the loss, another failed month, or the false hope that was built up last month. Whatever the reason, maybe a combination of the three, I don’t think it matters.

I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I believe the fog is lifting. Maybe we are making forward motion. Just maybe.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store by my work to pick up a few things for dinner (holy hot mother of god best shepherds pie recipe eva).

I hate going to this grocery store because it’s not my regular. I don’t know where anything is. It’s a 45 minute ordeal to try to find cheese and gravy (both delicious ingredients to my wanna smack myself good shepherds pie).

Visualize this:

I am coming out of the baking aisle, as another gentleman is coming into the baking aisle. In an effort not to do the right/left, left/right dance, I stop to allow him to go around me, right? I smile, and say, “I’m sorry, excuse me.”

After he walks by me I hear, “Excuse YOU!”

At this point I can’t believe what I’ve just heard and am nearly pissing my pants with laughter. I can’t wait to tell my coworkers about this. Excuse YOU! Lmao, what?!

Then, as I walk back by the aisle again, to go check out, I hear, “That’s right just KEEP ON WALKING!”

Uhm, do I know you? Did I tease you in high school or something?

I say, “EXCUSE me?!”

Crazy man says, “YOU HEARD ME!”

Oh no you di’int. Listen you crazy sonofabitch, you can’t just run around the grocery store telling people off!

But at this point I think, Wait… if this man is crazy enough to yell at complete stranger in the baking aisle, then what else is he capable of? Am I having an encounter with the un.abomber?

I decide to walk away when I hear him shouting at me 2 aisles over, “That’s right, you just KEEP ON WALKING.”

How is it that wherever I go the crazies just hone in on me? They must know I am one of them.

Bu.d L.ight Presents: Here’s to you Mr. Baking Aisle Trash Talker. I’m sorry that your life sucks so bad that you have to tell off a total stranger.

I am thankful that I am not yet that flavor of crazy.


kelley said...


however... is it bad that i find it reassuring that im not the ONLY one who draws the "crazy" crowd?

Kansas said...

kelley, were we seperated at birth? lmao!