Definitions

My top 5 resolutions (yes, there are more, less appropriate for the interwebs)::
1. Start smoking. I figure I need to ramp up to 4 packs per day to catch up to family and friends.
2. Swear more. Because there's nothing like telling your boss you need an effing raise to buy more coach bags and manolo blahniks.
3. Buy more fur. Who does PITA think they are anyways?
4. Spend more. Nothing says recession like coach bags and manolo blahniks.
5. Make an effort to stop exercising. Because 10 pounds on clomid, progesterone, and trigger injections is just never enough.




In the final hours of 2009 I'm left reflecting on the year, as many of you are. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The ugly...

Tiger woods. Nuff said.
Octomom... Need I say more?
Kanye... Douche bag.
Failing 2nd cycle of clomid. (100mg was a bust)

The bad...

By far the fullest category this year. I would sooner have a lifelong case of pink eye before reliving 2009.

The heartbreak is as fresh today as it was 10 months ago. I know many of you know the heaviness of carrying a broken heart on a daily basis. I hope that 2010 brings a way for us to be at peace on many different levels.

The good...

It's a double edged sword for me to even think about any good that may have come out of the hurt we've felt this year. I think it's a readiness thing, and I'm just not there yet.

Definitions...

When I think back on this year the loss is the only thing I can think of. It's a defining life event. My life is becoming defined with the loss and infertility. I struggle with feeling connected to the loss through my ongoing hurt and making this defining piece of my life a positive.

I'm not sure how, but my goal for 2010 is to figure out what I can do to have a positive impact on others because of my life experiences.

I'm not saying I'm going to move to a 3rd world country and start going by Mother Kansas, but I'm not going to allow negativity to define me any longer.

What defines you for 2009? What's the good, the bad, and the ugly of you year?

I'm thinking of you all tonight and the things you've been through this year. I hope you all are enjoying some r&r over the holiday weekend.


I look forward to seeing where 2010 takes us.