Thursday, January 21, 2010

I've crushed my luck

You hear sports players talk a lot about luck. Not cutting their hair or beard during playoff season, not washing their jersey's. You get the idea. Maybe you were into sports one day and adhered to those same supersticions.

Going through IF, I think a lot of us cling to luck and supersticions as well. Unicorns, rainbows, rabbits foot, ladybugs, they're all good luck.

I have taken my luck and single footedly smashed it. Literally. My sweet little ladybug that I have seen every day in my bathroom since New Years is no longer with us. I'm thinking about not shaving my beard and wearing the same oatmeal colored turtleneck for the remainder of this pregnancy to try to ramp my luck back up to an acceptable level.


Things have been going well. I continue to pinch myself daily and wonder when I will wake up from this pregnancy hallucination. I haven't really had many symptoms either (except sore bewbies), to look to for reassurance.

We did, however, today get to see the little bug. It's measuring spot on 6 weeks and 3 days. We got to see the gestational sac, yolk sac and the bug. Neither of us cried, I think we were in so much shock that it wasn't a shark or something swimming around in there.

We didn't get to try to look for a heartbeat today, which was disappointing. But the bright side of that is that we get to go back next Friday for a repeat ultrasound to check for it then. For whatever reason the u/s tech felt bad about us having to come back next week. Wah?

Oh, you want me to sit here for another 20 minutes next week to look at this precious bug we've been trying to create for over 3 years? Please, tell me when the torture treatment is over.

Give me a break lady, I could sit on your table with the vagi cam all day! Mkay?

In other news, my Dad's stepson has passed. After 5 days on life support they decided to take him off the machines. It's total devastation. It really is. I know many of you know what intense grief is like, I just wish no one ever had to go through it. It's heartbreaking. It's going to be a long road for them.


Any advice on how to get my luck back? The dead ladybug is still sitting on the bathroom floor. Like I expect it to be resurrected or something.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The tribe has spoken

HCG numbers today... well over 500:o) Our risk of another ectopic at this point is very minimal. We are having an ultrasound on the 21st at 9:30am just to rule it out (and hear the heartbeat!). Looks like now the bug is measuring 5 weeks, but that will be fine tuned after the first few ultrasounds. We are over the moon excited. I still just can't even believe it!

In other news... why is it that great news always comes on the back of tragedy? On Saturday my father's step son overdosed on heroine. His wife actually found him dead in his bed. The emergency room got his heart going again, but he is on a ventilator. There is no brain activity. They are doing another brain scan tomorrow, if there is no activity again they will have to think about taking him off the machines. Just utterly devastating for my father and his wife. It's just unimagineable. No parent should ever have to find their child like that. My heart is just broken for them. We are still holding on to faith and praying for a miracle.

In both situations we just continue to be thankful for every day. Even if we only get one more day, we are thankful for it. I am thankful for all of you, beyond words. I can't wait to hear when you have good news. Until then, I'll be waiting and supporting.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The bug

As of today the bug is measuring 4 weeks:)

When I had the original blood work done on Tuesday the levels were 14. My doctor thought they were on the low side.

I had follow up blood work done this morning to ensure my hcg levels are doubling normally.

I'm happy to say that the numbers have more than doubled. They've gone up to 65:)

We're not out of the woods yet. I'm having another blood draw on Monday. If those come back normal we'll be looking good. She said I'd have an ultrasound at 6 weeks to completely rule out another ectopic.

I'm starting to allow myself to get a bit excited. At this point with the ectopic I was having bad bleeding and cramps. So far this time I haven't had any of either *knock on wood*

Thanks for the well wishes:) I wish I could bottle up my good luck lady bug and send it to each of you!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


What better way to start the new year than being infested with bugs? Not the bugs that might infest your Lady Curtains, thankyouverymuch, but insects. That fly, crawl, and are generally creepy.

My husband also noticed the insect one day, I begged and pleaded with him to leave it alone.

Under normal circumstances I am the first to smoosh a creepy crawly in the house. But this bug was different.

It was New Years day... and it was... a ladybug.

Now, if you are as supersticious as I am, killing a ladybug on New Years Day would be the equivalent of taking your 2010 karma and slapping the Dalai Lama in the face with it.

So the ladybug was left in her peace. Each day since New Years when I get out of the shower I have seen the bug on the wall in our bathroom. (Yes, I bathe daily, filthy whores. Sometimes I even shave too).

After years of ttc and a failed Clomid month I found out this morning from Dr. POC that I am infested with another bug. One that will hopefully be around for another 9 months. My levels are being checked again tomorrow and every couple of days after that to rule out another ectopic. But for now, we're cautiously optimistic and enjoying each day as the precious gift it is.

The ladybug has been in the house for 6 days now. I'm thinking about catching it to keep as a pet. What do lady bugs eat, I wonder?