That's what she said

No news is good news, right? Wrong! How is it that statement can be true everywhere but the IF community? Bunch of dysfunctional rejects that we are.

To boil it down to one sentence, I never got my period last week, as Dr. Piece of Cake thought I would. How did I know an appointment with the magical vagi wand would be in my future? Call it intuition. I went in this morning.

She called a little while ago to say that the “spot” on the ultrasound is still there. And my blood work shows I should be mid cycle. Impressive, for someone on CD21.

I’m supposed to call her on Nov. 9th, or on CD 1, which ever comes first. She also wants me to call if anything weird starts going on.

Me: “Weird? How exactly would you define “weird” at this point?”

Dr. POC: “Abdominal pain, etc.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the abdominal pain that I’ve been having for the last 2 weeks? The slip n’ slide CM I’ve had for the last 5 days? Or the toss my cookies onto a plate of cookies nausea I’ve had for the last two days?

Dr. POC: “Yes, but I can’t find any specific reason for those symptoms in your blood work or ultrasound. They must be coincidence.”

Me: “Right.”

I am a marvel of modern medicine. I should be encased in the Smithsonian and labeled as “Inexplicable, Unpredictable, Unreliable Bodily Functions.”

Let me ask you this: how does one’s body become so effed up in the first place?

This is a joke. Except I’m the only one laughing, the crazy person laugh.

The thought of seeing another doctor is not one that has escaped me. I worry about seeing another doctor though for insurance purposes. Dr. POC submits my insurance paperwork as “ovarian dysfunction,” which my insurance company is happy to write the checks for. 12 visits per month? No problem!

Should I go to a new doctor, go through the gamut of testing all over again, and they code my paperwork as “lame assed infertile,” my insurance company will tell me to turn around and grab my ankles. Is there an option for lube? I doubt it.

The next doctor we see will be an RE, which will be when we win the lottery. In the meantime, I’ll stick with weird.