Over the top

Big thanks to AnxiousMummyto3 for the award:) Her blog is one of my favorites. Her writing is fluid and powerful. I savor each post with a deep hunger because I can identify with her so well. AnxiousMummyto3, thank you for writing with such a relatable honestly.

Here are the rules:
1. you can only use one word!
2. pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. alert them that you have given them this award
4. have fun!

The Fun Part:
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your hair? mess
3. your mother? honest
4. Your father? handy
5. Your favorite food? fries
6. Your dream last night? work
7. Your favorite drink? cosmopolitan
8. Your dream/goal? BABY
9. What room are you in? study
10. Your hobby? yoga
11. Your fear? control
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
13. Where were you last night? home
14. something that you aren't? quiet
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? nada
17. Where did you grow up? northeast
18. Last thing you did? changed
19. What are you wearing? comfies
20. Your TV? asleep
Your pets? woof
Friends? fantastic
23. Your life? wonderful
24. Your mood? eh
25. Missing someone? k
26. Vehicle? jeep
27. Something you're not wearing? tiara
28. Your favorite store? banana
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? afternoon
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Your best friend? bw
33. One place that I go to over and over? fridge
34. One person who emails me regularly? k
35. Favorite place to eat? whereever



I would have been due yesterday. There is just no other way to put it than directly. If I had stayed pregnant and if I had a healthy pregnancy... that coinciding with pregnancy and infant loss awareness month has been why the mood has been heavier in Kansas lately. I had originally written a post about my dead baby issues, but decided not to post it. For now.

It's a winding road. Grief. You just never know where it's going to take you. You're moving along just fine. But then you see something or hear something that brings back the new car smell. It's not as easy as asking for directions and getting back on track. Sometimes you just go around in circles, unsure of how to resume the journey. You take steps, even when you're sure you cannot possibly take another. Even when it would be easier to admit defeat and quit.

Baby steps. I hated the term when I was in the hospital, and even now. The irony drives the burning even deeper. I'm making small steps out of the dark and stormies, back to version Kansas Lite, I'm just not sure when I'll make it. I'll let you know when I get there.

Now... for the moment we've all been waiting for... (((drumroll)))

I'm passing the Over the Top award on to:
1. Maybe if you just relax
2. The Winding Road to Parenthood
3. Life and Love in the Petri Dish
4. I'm a Smart One
5. Take it One Gigantic Earth Shattering Crisis at a Time
6. If it's not one thing, it's your mother