You: Quit it! Me: I can't

It is the following events that I am not proud of. But I am a believer in full disclosure. You've shared with me the ups, the downs, and now the nasty.

Today was a day that started out like any other. I got to work early this morning, around 7:30am. I made sure to come in early this morning so that I could leave early for an OB appointment at 3:00pm.

I want to interject on my own story to add some critical info... there is no skirting the subject. When you are taking vitamins with whorish amounts of iron there is a tendency to be... well... backed up. This isn't something you don't know. When you have been backed up for days, weeks, months (so it seems) in a row when you feel the urge for a Number Two you must take action, no matter when or where.

Anyways, I'm going about my daily... business (pun intended), when... I feel the urge. I run my ass to the Ladies only to realize... that... I have... not... made it... in time. I sharted myself. At work. One of my finer moments. Obviously.

I don't know if you've ever done this, shart yourself. I get that people do it accidentally now and then. Friends talk about it when they've had too many margarita's and laugh. But I have NEVER done it before today, which is something I've worn as a badge of honor.

Now, still at work, I'm like that one kid in high school that had no friends because he smelled like shit. I could name names, but this isn't the place for that. You know who you are. Sadly, I am now on that list.

And now I have to go commando to Dr. POC's office to have my lady business inspected in an hour. Your welcome, Dr. POC. Because it's times like this you're so glad you went to med school.