My middle name is false alarm

Would you like the Classic mind fuck? Or the Down & Dirty version?

I called Dr. POC on Friday to let her know I hadn't been feeling well for quite a few days. She didn't think it had anything to do with the last injection. We chaulked it up to bad Chinese Food, knowing that I had a follicle check scheduled for today, if there were any issues, she'd find it then.

After the ultrasound, I wait in the waiting room where there are 13 parenting magazines, and 1 Us Weekly. From said waiting room I can hear Dr. POC discussing with the ultrasound tech and the bloodwork girl. I hear one of them on the phone spelling my last name. I hear Dr. POC talking about blood type, rhogram (sp) shot, etc. etc. etc. I start flipping the hell out. Dr. POC calls me back and shows me ultrasound pics of what she thinks is a pregnancy, in the correct place. I ask her if she is tripping the hell out because I had my period 13 days ago. A normal one. And I haven't been taking my vagi vitamins, and I've been having bad right side pain. She assures me it is not another ectopic. They're going to draw blood, tests, tests, tests...

Two hours later I'm lying on my couch, letting my vagi vitamin digest, when Dr. POC calls. Uhm, yeah, remember when I said you were KU? Uhm, sorry for the confusion, but you're not.

The consolation prize? She's not 100% sure, but she thinks it could be either a collapsed cyst or a chemical pregnancy.

She wants us to skip trying this month. My blood work looks like I'm going to get my period again any day now anyways. When I get my period again she wants me to call and schedule another ultrasound to confirm whatever the hell is going on in there is resolved. Super. We'll throw the trigger injections into a meat grinder and go with clomid next cycle. More "predictability."

I'll give you something to predict. It's called my freaking nervous breakdown.

Now, to more important decisions... which crib set to pick out for my cyst? The Madison or the Gabriel?



Bad Chinese? Really? Cause I think I can tell the difference.

At this point, if I don't land in the hospital before the end of the year I'll consider it a great success (in by best Borat impression)!!!

Does that blow your mind?

Someone on a message board (for ep’s trying to get pg) had some pretty bitch slap comments for me this morning that I feel the need to address in case some others feel that I am a pathetic, overanalyzing, obsessed, controlling piece of shit .

(which I am all of the above. But god, I feel the need to save face, mkay?!)

I was being my fun self (as if I could be any other kind of self) and asking the girls about what types of fertility monitors they’ve used (see post below).

We are laughing and discussing the contraptions I’ve discovered and seeing who’s tried what.

And I get a note from Mrs. Not Fun Wants to Spoil Everyone Else’s Fun (how on earth does she sign that? I’d shorten it to Mrs. NFWSEEF).

Anyways, Mrs. NFWSEEF says to stop drinking and eat right to prepare for another pregnancy. Thank GOD she has told me this because I have been drunk since 2007 eating burritos and chili dogs. Damn it, if I had only known.

Then she says you have to chill out, because it won’t happen if you try too hard. Guilty, but that is such a bull shit statement. AND what about the people that don’t try at all? What about those mother….. ? AND what about people with ACTUAL MEDICAL diagnoses contributing to their IF, what about that Mrs. Smartypants, I mean, Mrs. NFWSEEF?

She does not do OPK’s or anything of the nature because someone told her it adds too much pressure. Who is this “someone” and what the flying fuck do they know about anything? I wouldn’t trust where they think you should buy salami from, never mind take their dumb ass opinion on fertility. Cease and desist taking advice from this person. Immediately.

In summary, Mrs. NFWSEEF, thank you for bitch slapping me up one side and down the other because you clearly have so much experience and good luck with getting knocked up that I would obviously want to give a rip about your advice. And I find the suggestive nature of your comments to be really annoying.

(in reality, my note back to her said something along the lines of: You raise some very good points. I’m going to give them some strong consideration.) That’s BS, I will do no such thing. End of story. I don't think I need to elaborate anymore on this.