Tales from the OR

Safe to say that I was, ahem, anxious about the surgery. Well, it went well. Way better than I expected. It was a walk in the park compared to the last surgery.
On a scale of 1 – 10 the first surgery was a 10 and the second was a 0. People kept saying to me, “oh but the emotional aspect of the first surgery is what made is so much worse.” Uh, no people, I don’t think you’re getting it. Yes, the “emotional aspect” of the first surgery was a nightmare. But physically, the first surgery was so much worse. I couldn’t shower by myself or go up and down the stairs in my house for the first 2 weeks after the first surgery. I couldn’t lift my legs onto the bed to lie down. I would sit on the edge and Keith would have to swing my legs around. The pain was ridiculous. It’s made me realize how close to dying I really was before that first surgery. Scary.
Anyways…. I made lots of new friends after this surgery. Particularly my friend nurse Joanne, you know who you are, never shy with the morphine, you hold a special place in my heart!
Speaking of morphine. Thank the LOHD that it’s not sold on the street, because I would be one happy addict if it was. Those few morphine induced euphoric hours were bliss, the best time of my life.
From what I hear I was a real riot. Keith said I kept saying “vag” and “lady business” in front of my mom. Wonderful. Thankfully, she hasn’t mentioned it.
At any rate, when I am president everyone will have access to as much morphine as they want whenever they want it. Period. I’ll make bumper stickers: Got Morphine?
In all seriousness, the surgery went well. The endo was removed, (I even got pictures!), and the dye test went pretty well. The left tube is clear as a bell, the dye flowed right through, no problems. The right tube was a little “windy.” as Dr. R put it. She said the dye flowed through, but not as well as the left side. She said the windyness was where the pregnancy was. She said there could be small amounts of endo there (too small for her to remove). This all makes me wonder if her original theory of the EP is wrong. She originally thought the left tube ovulated, egg was fertilized, then couldn’t implant in uterus because of too much endo, so it was sucked up into the right tube. After seeing pictures of the surgery, it really doesn’t look like there was a whole lot of endo in there. I wonder if it was fertilized in the right tube, but the little bugger never made it out of the windyness. I was too out of it to think of these obvious questions right after the surgery. But I’m going to ask on Wednesday when I have my 2 week follow up. She said the windyness (I hate that word) of the right tube is no cause for concern and she isn’t worried about it in the least bit. Basically, we can start doing it like animals.
I’ve stocked up on OPK’s (hella expensive), I’m on CD 14 and no ov yet. I’m trying to coax it along through meditation. Ha, we’ll see how that goes! I’ll try anything! Maybe acupuncture?
What a smorguesborgue of a post! Topic to topic to topic….
I got proactiv last week. I’ve been using for a little over a week and my skin is supah dry, but I think it’s working. I still have some breakouts on my jawline, but it’s getting better.

Yes, that's right. I did it again.

My name is S-P-A-Z. But I am trying not to be. Seriously.trying.not.to.be.a.spaz. All efforts are futile. The sensible side of me is powerless against the crazy side. The more I try NOT to think about the surgery = the more I DO think about the surgery. It’s like a psychological bitch slap. You know you’re circling the drain when you wind up on Google. Google is the beginning of the end. When you find yourself making a Google search you know you have crossed the line, you’ve gone too far. You will regret it when you are on the floor crying in the fetal position in the corner of your office. Your co-workers walk by and say, Uh oh, she did it again. Yes friends, yes she did.
Reading statistics on pregnancy post endo surgery, complications from endo surgery, the reasons why endo can cause infertility, and why those reasons may not be corrected with surgery.
Basically, as eager as I was to put my uterus on display again, I am now having tormented second thoughts. I want them to look into my uterus, obtain a full report on what is going on in there, then allow me to wake up and make a sane educated decision on the future of my uterus. Because after all, my Google, M.D. has given me the knowledge to make such decisions.
I don’t want to get myself started on a Resident doing my surgery, but I digress. I’m already there, circling the drain again. I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw a fit in the hospital and demand that the Resident be there for instructional viewing purposes only. This said Resident will not play an instrumental role. Period. I should bring my Googled literature with highlighted segments about how complex the surgery can be. I will absolutely not have someone with training wheels on be removing adhesions from my still suffering from post traumatic stress disorder uterus. Uhnothankyouma’am.
I’ve got myself all nerved up. ithinki’mgoingtocrapmypants.