Gimme 5

We've officially hit the halfway mark peeps! Holy hot damn, if the second half goes as fast as the first half I am going to be in a mother load of turd in no time!

I've been able to feel the baby boy move for about a month now, which is so cool, but still so surreal. As the weeks go on the movements are definitely getting stronger, it's still so bizarre to me to connect those movements to a human though. A human that is occupying my abdomen. And movements that are becoming distinctly body parts.

When K got back from Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago I thought for sure the movements would be strong enough for him to feel from the outside. And they were strong enough to feel from the outside, if only K was patient enough to wait for a movement. lol

At 18w5d I sat down and ate a bowl of ice cream to get the bugger moving. K would run in and put his hand on my stomach for all of 20 seconds before giving up. I kept telling him to be patient, to no avail.

Finally, at 18w6d, I was laying flat and he was laying on his side next to me with his forearm resting on my stomach. And then... out of nowhere... a little *punch punch*

Me: ZOMG, Did you feel it?!

K: Yup (sans my level of exuberance)

Me: ... Well what did you think it would be a high 5!?

I think he was probably a bit freaked out by the alien life form taking over his wife's body. Fine with me. I was excited enough for the both of us.

Spread 'em!

As opposed to popular belief, the world in fact did not stop on 4/19, the day before our BIG ultrasound. I did not, however, get a flipping wink of sleep that night. Literally.

There is no better flavor of crazy than a 5 month pregnant woman about to find out the gender of her spawn with zero hours of sleep under her gigantic maternity belt.

Thank the sweet baby jesus that we had the first appointment of the day. I was blowing through red lights and construction zones like Matthew McConaughey would be there personally to greet me.

When we arrived I tried to get myself together and wipe the foam off the corners of my mouth.

Me: Will we also be seeing Dr. Piece of Cake at this appointment?

Receptionist (who is practically like family at this point): Well, you are only seeing Dr. POC at this appointment. Did you think something else was going to happen?

Me: Don't play with me, honey. I like you and I don't want to wind up standing over you with a pillow in the middle of the night ready to smother every last breath out of you, but I will if I have to.

Rec: Well the ultrasound tech isn't here today.

Me: ...

Rec: Buuuut... there is another u/s tech here today.

Me: ...

Rec: And she doesn't have any appointments.

Me: ...

Rec: Would you like to see her now?

Me: Would I?

And I left her in a cloud of dust as I peeled off down the hall.

We met the new u/s tech.

Me: Yeah, yeah Candace, it's the pleasure of my life meeting you. Now let's get down to business.

And we did. She gooped me up and started looking around. All I could think about was getting between those little legs! She went straight for the money shot... and... the bugs feet were crossed.

You: you've got to be kidding me.

Me: So the cookies and chocolate milk I had for breakfast were for nothing!? (well, not nothing. I'll take any excuse to eat Carmel Delights for breakfast.)

She went on to check everything else she had to check (you know, to make sure the baby is normal and all). But periodically kept coming back for the money shot, but the feet were always crossed.

After about 45 minutes into it she only had the kidneys left to look at and measure, and the money shot.

Me: We're not going anywhere until you tell us if this is a girl bug or a boy bug. I KNOW you don't have any appointments today.

Candy: Oh, how nice of reception to share that with you.

Finally, the bugger uncrossed it's perfect little feet. She put "the business" on the screen and asked what we thought it was... ... ...

Me: OH MY GOD! IT'S A BOY!

And there you have it. The buglet is a boy and we are ecstatic. We did get to see Dr. POC, she said everything looks great. My weight is on the low side of normal (which is just fine with me), but she's not worried about it. Everything else just pales in comparison, doesn't it?

A boy. I can't believe it:)

Words that start with F

17w2d

Omg, I am such a bad blogger. I know this. Dare I say... things have been... quiet?

No, I don't dare say that. At all. It's like turning your back to the ocean. Get ready cause you are about to get ripped by a big one.

That was a far more graphic image than I intended. If you have a dirty mind. Like me.

My days have been filled with constipation. And thinking good thoughts about Number Two. And FIBER. Lots of motherFLIPPING FIBER.

Constipation = straining = spotting. Another delightful image. Not bad though, just like 2 drops, and only when I wipe. And I've been for a gazillion ultrasounds, so we know there's nothing wrong with the bug or his/her uterine playground.

Dr. POC: Drink more water.

Me: If I drink any more water I'm going to drown my baby.

Dr. POC: Eat more fiber.

Me: Not possible unless I add more meals to the day.

Dr. POC: Take stool softener.

Me: Did you just say stool?

So I tried the aforementioned SS because the spotting and constipation was sending me into delirium.

I will not go into another graphic story about poo. But I will give you two words: Soft Serve.

And the SS's were no more.

I am going to try Act.ivia. Has anyone had success with this?

I give you my word (because that is worth so much), my next several posts will not include TMI from the heiny department.

Does this baby make me look fat?

This weekend we had a tiny peep show of my favorite season... summah! It hit a high of 70! Holy hot martha focker you can bet your sweet ass I was out in my bikini. No shame!

A couple hours later my father in law called and wanted to stop by. I told K to give him fair warning of the bikini situation, but that didn't sway him. Whatever, enter at your own risk!

Anyways, it was freaking fantastic. It's been in the 40's and raining since. Zzzzz...

In other news, we had an appointment with Dr. Piece of Cake yesterday. Everything really is a POC for her. She called me a flaming drag queen because I haven't stopped taking the vagi vitamins yet.

Oops, my bad.

Apparently, "most" patients stop them at 12 weeks.

Obviously I am "most" patients.

I asked her what the odds were that there could be a problem with the placenta not producing progesterone. She said 0%. As in, none.

So last night I did not take one, and I prayed to the gods of Ali Babba all night that my busy little bug wouldn't die.

Our next appointment we'll get to find out the gender, April 20th.

Is it April 20th yet?

And now for the promised bump pic, 15 weeks, sans bikini. I may have been willing to torture my father in law with my cellulite covered self, but I will NOT do that to you my friends.

Cocktail sauce anyone?

It appears as if I am growing seafood. I'll bring the shrimp cocktail to the next girls night out.

We're up, we're down, we're all over the board. Our initial due date was 9/14, then they moved it up to 9/20, now today it's back to 9/17. They've changed it so many times, I'm SO confused! She said, "Oh yes, our dates are plus or minus 5 days." Oh, okay. bah!

Today the bug is measuring at 8w6d, heart rate ticking away at 174 bpms:).

I'm getting closer and closer to being able to stop taking the vagi vitamins, aka Prometrium. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous about this. What if my body/placenta isn't producing progesterone on it's own? What if aliens take over the earth? What if Baby Gap stops carrying the preshus lady bug girl clothes before I find out if the bug is a girl or a transvestite drag queen lady bug dressing boy? Because my body has functioned so perfectly up until this point, right?

I'd love to know if any of you have been through the vagi vitamin detox, or know any one that has. Am I worrying for nothing? Or should I be worrying?

My vagina the slot machine

I've always heard pregnant women complain about how tired and nauseous they are. Wah, wah, wah, right? Cry me an effing river.

And although I feel I may be hallucinating this entire gestational state, I can tell you that I have been asleep for, roughly, 3 1/2 of the last 4 weeks. My bewbies have reached pornographic proportions, which K isn't complaining about. If only I could stay awake beyond 7:30pm. The conscious portion of my existance has been spent in a state of perpetual seasickness. Don't even mention the word c.a.r.r.o.t. Got dry heaves?

That being said, I feel like a million bucks (when I am conscious, that is). Our appointment on Friday morning went great. We saw the little bug's heartbeat flickering away at 134 bpm. By far, the coolest thing I have seen in.my.life.period.

She pushed up my EDD to September 20th, which pushed me back to 7w1d today.

After we saw the heartbeat we decided to tell some of our extended family, which was fun. I think I am still going to wait quite a while before telling my work and casual friends.

I am still taking promtetrium, which also does wonders for our love life. Vagi vitamin = no horizontal tango. So it's either before the vagi vitamin (at 7:30pm) or not at all. It'll get better at some point, right? (who am I kidding?)

Between the vagi vitamin and the oral vitamins C.V.S ass raped me for $150. A small price to pay for maintaining this gestational hallucination, but I feel I may be better off inserting dollar bills into my vag. And If I hit the jackpot I may just deliver a real live baby in about 7 months.

Internets, how have you been doing? Let me know if you have any insight on how I may stave off the nausea. Or how I can manage to keep vertical while at work from 8-4:30?

I've crushed my luck

You hear sports players talk a lot about luck. Not cutting their hair or beard during playoff season, not washing their jersey's. You get the idea. Maybe you were into sports one day and adhered to those same supersticions.

Going through IF, I think a lot of us cling to luck and supersticions as well. Unicorns, rainbows, rabbits foot, ladybugs, they're all good luck.

I have taken my luck and single footedly smashed it. Literally. My sweet little ladybug that I have seen every day in my bathroom since New Years is no longer with us. I'm thinking about not shaving my beard and wearing the same oatmeal colored turtleneck for the remainder of this pregnancy to try to ramp my luck back up to an acceptable level.

6w3d

Things have been going well. I continue to pinch myself daily and wonder when I will wake up from this pregnancy hallucination. I haven't really had many symptoms either (except sore bewbies), to look to for reassurance.

We did, however, today get to see the little bug. It's measuring spot on 6 weeks and 3 days. We got to see the gestational sac, yolk sac and the bug. Neither of us cried, I think we were in so much shock that it wasn't a shark or something swimming around in there.

We didn't get to try to look for a heartbeat today, which was disappointing. But the bright side of that is that we get to go back next Friday for a repeat ultrasound to check for it then. For whatever reason the u/s tech felt bad about us having to come back next week. Wah?

Oh, you want me to sit here for another 20 minutes next week to look at this precious bug we've been trying to create for over 3 years? Please, tell me when the torture treatment is over.

Give me a break lady, I could sit on your table with the vagi cam all day! Mkay?

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In other news, my Dad's stepson has passed. After 5 days on life support they decided to take him off the machines. It's total devastation. It really is. I know many of you know what intense grief is like, I just wish no one ever had to go through it. It's heartbreaking. It's going to be a long road for them.

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Any advice on how to get my luck back? The dead ladybug is still sitting on the bathroom floor. Like I expect it to be resurrected or something.

The tribe has spoken

HCG numbers today... well over 500:o) Our risk of another ectopic at this point is very minimal. We are having an ultrasound on the 21st at 9:30am just to rule it out (and hear the heartbeat!). Looks like now the bug is measuring 5 weeks, but that will be fine tuned after the first few ultrasounds. We are over the moon excited. I still just can't even believe it!

In other news... why is it that great news always comes on the back of tragedy? On Saturday my father's step son overdosed on heroine. His wife actually found him dead in his bed. The emergency room got his heart going again, but he is on a ventilator. There is no brain activity. They are doing another brain scan tomorrow, if there is no activity again they will have to think about taking him off the machines. Just utterly devastating for my father and his wife. It's just unimagineable. No parent should ever have to find their child like that. My heart is just broken for them. We are still holding on to faith and praying for a miracle.

In both situations we just continue to be thankful for every day. Even if we only get one more day, we are thankful for it. I am thankful for all of you, beyond words. I can't wait to hear when you have good news. Until then, I'll be waiting and supporting.

The bug

As of today the bug is measuring 4 weeks:)

When I had the original blood work done on Tuesday the levels were 14. My doctor thought they were on the low side.

I had follow up blood work done this morning to ensure my hcg levels are doubling normally.

I'm happy to say that the numbers have more than doubled. They've gone up to 65:)

We're not out of the woods yet. I'm having another blood draw on Monday. If those come back normal we'll be looking good. She said I'd have an ultrasound at 6 weeks to completely rule out another ectopic.

I'm starting to allow myself to get a bit excited. At this point with the ectopic I was having bad bleeding and cramps. So far this time I haven't had any of either *knock on wood*

Thanks for the well wishes:) I wish I could bottle up my good luck lady bug and send it to each of you!