I am not in love with the Lilypie ticker like I am in love with Girl Scout Samoa cookies. So if you've seen a cooler one, please don't hesitate to share.
How can it be that Girl Scout cookie season is upon us just as I start reaching the Terrified of Being a Fatso stage? You see, I've always been a small person, but over the last several weeks I have transformed into quite the heifer. I look similar to what one would look like if they swallowed a hippopotamus. I can't sugar coat the truth peeps, I just can't.
It is this self image that makes me feel like I will go Son of Sam on the next person that says any of the below statements to me.
-"It's okay, you're eating for 2 now!!!" nice way of saying you look like a cow in a tutu.
-"Don't worry, you won't get fat, you'll just look like you swallowed a beach ball." Pressure, anyone?
And... my personal favorite:
-"Oh wow, look at your bump!! I didn't start showing with my first baby until I was 5 months!" The people that say this to me are immediately stabbed in the cornea with a stilleto heel. thankyouverymuch, please come again.
The next person that makes one of these comments to me will find an ice pick lodged in their ear drum. I suffer from progesterone poisening and I will not hesitate to serve up a knuckle sandwich to the mouthy and ill restrained. After all, I'm unconvictable. No jury is going to convict a pregnant woman that is foaming at the mouth, mostly out of pity.
Babycenter.com says I should gain between 25 - 35lbs. If I end up putting on 35lbs, I may throw myself out a window. But according to the babies at The Babycenter.com I am already 1 pound over where I should be at this time to be on track for gaining 35lbs. I feel an anorexia flare up coming on.* Why? Why do they insist on setting me up for failure?
I may post a belly pic soon. Depending on if I can find a foxy cute preggo and leave a trail of Girl Scout cookies to my belly pic lair.
I leave you with a pic of the bug from 12 weeks
*I do not, nor have I ever had anorexia, although I've tried many times to pick it up.
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