It was even colder this morning at 6:30am. Roughly 32 degrees. Imagine me, in my pajama’s, un-brushed teeth, bra-less, without my glasses, running around my neighborhood like a crazy person.
If you’re thinking I was sleepwalking, which would be very likely for me… As I have a pathological history of sleep walking and talking. We were on a cruise this past February when I ran out of our room into the hallways of the ship because I had a dream the ship was taking on water. I was well into the hallway before I woke up. I wish it weren’t true, okay. Don’t judge me.
So if you’re thinking that’s what’s happening here, you’re on the right track, but wrong train.
I got up this morning, like I do every morning, and let my dogs out. After I let the dogs out I feed the cats, fill up the dogs bowls, give everyone water, go pee, then let the dogs back in. 10 minute process, give or take.
This morning, though, I went to let the dogs back in and only Benson was standing there…
I let him in, called for Roxy, and went to do something else while she wrapped it up.
A few minutes later I went back, and she still wasn’t there…. Open the door, call her… nothing… Step outside… See the fence gate swinging wide open.
Now you have an accurate picture of me, in my pj’s, un-brushed teeth, bra-less, without my glasses, running around my neighborhood like a crazy person.
K was still in bed. I didn’t want to take the time to go back into the house to get him when she’d been out for nearly 10 minutes.
I didn’t know which direction to go. I started to panic. Hyperventilate. Anxiety attack. Tears. I’m imagining the worst. I’m imagining that I’ll never get to see my smoochy girl again and I get even more hysterical.
I see that my neighbors garage is open. I go over there thinking maybe she went in there. No luck. I turn around to go home and get K when I see my little miss come strolling up the road...
I carried all 62lbs of her home. And hugged her on the kitchen floor for 20 minutes.
It makes me realize how co-dependant I am on her. I’m conveying human emotion and need for a child onto my dog, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s the phase I’m at.
Since the loss, I have put my displaced feelings of hurt and failure into feelings of love and nurture for her. It’s a big task for a little girl to carry, but she does it well. It’s like she knows how much I need her.
If anything happened to her I would just fall apart. Plain and simple. She’s getting micro chipped on Saturday. And the fence is being fixed.
How about you? What are you co-dependant on?
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